Experienced health educators sent me demo videos to review. Every one of them asked at least one Clean Language question, using the person’s own words.
Not one of them managed to shut up afterwards.
Don’t laugh. It sounds easy, but it isn’t.
Someone shares something important to them. For example: “I’m really worried about my health.”
It takes real discipline to ask, “What kind of worried?” — and then shut up.
Not, “What kind of worried? I know it can be really concerning when things like this come up. Only the other day I…”
My tip?
Ask your Clean Language question and then shut up. That’s when the magic happens.
The person might be startled by the question, and they may feel slightly challenged. “What? You mean there are different kinds of worried? What kind is mine?”
But when you use their words, they automatically feel heard.
They ‘know’ you’re listening, taking them seriously, waiting for an answer.
The power’s in the pause.
No need for swoopy syntax or fancy hypnotic phrasing. No need to decide whether they’ve used a metaphor, or what they ‘really’ might mean.
And, while the textbook says you should soon ask, “And when you’re really worried about your health, what would you like to happen?” it’s quite likely you won’t need to.
They’ll probably soon tell you what they’d like instead.
People who feel heard open up, fast.
Really great. Execute the fundamentals! (I could say more, but feels inappropriate...)
Seriously. Thanks Judy!
This is one of those truths that is hard to do when you're feeling emotions or have an agenda or can't wait one more second to stop the other person from speaking or think they are wrong-wrong-wrong or think they just aren't listening....
Under all circumstances, stop talking after you ask the question.
Do not stumble on. Do not add more words. Do not explain yourself if you're feeling weird about using a Clean Language Question.
Judy has demonstrated that the results are astonishing. I've experienced that the results are astonishing, for me and for the other people in the room.