How to Use Clean Language When They Talk Non-Stop
Every newish Clean Language user has been there. You’re poised with the Lazy Jedi questions at your fingertips, all set to give them a go… but the person starts talking and just keeps on going.
They’re talking... and talking... and talking… while you’re sitting there thinking, "I know I should be asking Clean Language questions, but when? How do I even get a word in?"
Read on for tried and tested tips and tricks!
The fact you’re here means you’re probably aware of Clean Language: a multipurpose way to help people think better, feel heard, and make progress fast. When you use Clean Language, you ask very specific questions about what a person says, helping them explore their own thinking without adding your own ideas or interpretations.
This approach not only serves the ‘client’ well, but also protects you, the ‘practitioner’ from getting emotionally entangled in, or burned out by, their stories.
Take A Clean Stance
So, how to do all that when faced with an unstoppable stream of words?
My first tip’s easy to describe, a little harder to do: just let the words flow.
To work Cleanly, you often don't need to follow, understand, or remember all those words. In fact, you don't need to engage with most of them at all.
Clean Language practitioners take the view that exploring, thinking, and deciding what to do are all primarily the client’s responsibility. It’s their job to do the heavy lifting; the practitioner is just there to help.
So, let them talk! Don’t feel obliged to fix anything.
The Cardboard Programmer
Relatedly, let's acknowledge something important: Sometimes, just talking is exactly what your client needs.
Software developers have a concept called the "cardboard programmer" - a cardboard cutout they talk to about their coding problems. The cardboard never replies, but somehow, the problem gets solved anyway.
Simply listening, without trying to fix or guide, can be a perfectly Clean intervention.
But of course, just letting them talk doesn’t give you the chance to practice those Clean Language questions!
Anchor Your Questions
If your big challenge is to decide what to ask about, here's the best strategy.
Listen for their first clear statement of what they actually want. Write it down.
This is your anchor - everything else is just context. Keep coming back to it, keep bringing the client’s attention back to it.
Every Clean Language question you ask from now on should focus on one or more of the words you’ve written, one of the words of the client’s desired outcome. You may be surprised at how much this stems your client’s flow.
Interrupting Is OK!
The art of interrupting deserves its own blog post (if you’d like me to write that one, please comment below).
But for now, let’s just say that from a Clean point of view, it is OK to interrupt your client, sensitively and politely.
It’s also OK (actually, essential) not to repeat back every word they say! Repeat a couple of words, perhaps, and then dive in with your Clean Language question.
If you can’t remember anything they said, there’s a powerful phrase used by the most experienced Clean practitioners: "And when all of that..." - followed by a question about the desired outcome.
Keep returning to that first desired outcome, the one you wrote down. If they said "I want to find a solution to my problem," you can ask Clean questions about that: "What kind of solution?" "And whereabouts is that solution?" "And find a solution... what kind of find?"
This approach keeps both you and your client protected: you from getting lost in their content, them from getting stuck in their story.
Set Expectations
And here's something that might surprise you: you can make all this even easier by setting expectations at the start of your sessions.
Tell your client something like: "I don't need to know all the background or context, you know all that stuff. I have a system that will help you to think some new things about it, even when I don’t understand it all."
If they launch into their long story anyway (and many will), you can remind them gently if needed.
Remember: The details matter to them, not to you. Your Clean Language questions will help them sort through what's important, one question at a time.
Thank you for the anchoring question, "What would you like to have happen?" and how to use it. Yes please, to an article on the art of respectfully, politely, interrupting. Even when the need to interrupt is important and mutually helpful, I often don't know how.
Yes!! It's like an avalanche sometimes. Words and more words which ones do you choose. Find the ⚓ thank you