Save Time: Ditch The Rapport Dance

What would you like to happen from reading this post?

There! We’ve cut straight to the chase.

I’ll listen to your answer, maybe write it down. And then I’ll choose one key word to ask about.

“What kind of X is that X?”

I listen to your answer. And you notice that.

You may not even notice that I used your words, but it has a powerful effect. Hearing your own words played back to you - parrot-phrasing or mirroring - is uniquely psychologically compelling, instantly building trust and connection.

In two questions (two Clean Language questions, in fact), we’re off to the races.

I have an idea of what you actually want: I’m not just guessing.

You know I’m listening. And you feel connected and ready to trust me to help.

We haven’t wasted three minutes exchanging “how are you?” noises, or chatting about your journey.

Sure, it’s only useful in certain contexts. This opening works brilliantly when there’s an established “helping contract” - for example, in a medical consultation.

But if you’re having those kinds of conversations happen under massive time pressure, I recommend it.

Photo by Rafael Ishkhanyan on Unsplash

Here’s a worked example:

Nurse: “Good morning, Sarah! What would you like to happen from our appointment today?”

Patient: “Well, I’ve been struggling with my blood sugar levels lately. They’re all over the place, and I’m feeling really frustrated. I just want to get back to feeling normal again and not worry about this constantly.”

Nurse: [writes down key points] “What kind of normal is that normal?”

Patient: “You know, where I could eat a meal without obsessing over every carb, where I didn’t have to check my levels five times a day, where I felt confident going out with friends for dinner. Just... predictable, I suppose.”

I’m willing to bet that’s a whole lot more info-per-minute than her standard opening would elicit!

Why not try it? Please comment below with what happens when you do.

Here’s the outline:

1. Make your greeting friendly, but short

2. Ask: “What would you like to happen from our meeting today?” (use the usual word for the specific kind of interaction: appointment, meeting, session etc)

3. Listen to their answer, maybe write it down

4. Choose a key word and ask, “What kind of X is that X?” about it.